My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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