Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
