do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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