u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
