is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
