I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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