Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
