I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
