Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
