So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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