Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
