this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
