matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
