Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
