I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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