Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize