I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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