CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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