Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize