I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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