she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
