he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the day after is always just damage control
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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