he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize