can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
