i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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