barbara walters just said penis...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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