Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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