fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
