i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
