in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Rumble strips road head = magical
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
