Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
