I heard we made out
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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