Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
