She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
