I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
