i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
