I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
