At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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