Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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