i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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