So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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