First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
