Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
