Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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