glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
