your parents love me but you hate me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
