You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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