Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
