also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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