Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
