She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
