I only kidnapped one of them. chill
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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