My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
