take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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