definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
