Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
