Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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