You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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