U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
