Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
