You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
