Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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