Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I just went to clothing optional bar
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
