he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize