Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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