i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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