you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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