The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
