dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
