they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
