So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
