Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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