In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
