I just cut my nipple shaving
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
