I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
