So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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