pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
