Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
