handjob tips. give me some.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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