and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
