i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
