I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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