Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize